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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25706773">of how lost we are</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/'>Anonymous</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Oh My Girl (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Bar/Pub, Alternate Universe - College/University, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Cheating, F/F, XX - Webdrama AU</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 10:47:55</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>7,151</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25706773</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“Welcome! Would you like a table?” Yewon asks at the entrance, and when Yoobin glances over, she locks eyes with a familiar face.<br/>Kim Jiho slides into a barstool in front of her, gaze piercing.<br/>“It’s been a long time, Bae Yoobin.”</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Bae Yoobin | Binnie/Kim Jiho</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Anonymous, Director's Cut Fest Round 1</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>of how lost we are</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>written for <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/collections/directcutfest">director's cut fest</a> &lt;3 </p><p>this fic is heavily inspired by the korean webdrama <a href="https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLVBrfgGa0Rv71twQ-GYJ-iyco23Nq3iSQ">XX</a>. you don't need any knowledge of it to read this, and i changed some major plot points, but there are general spoilers for what happens in the show.<br/>i've never experienced any of the things that are happening in this story so please take everything with a grain of salt</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Yoobin wipes down the counter idly, glancing over at the two college boys seated in front of Yewon, carefree grins on and phones out. </p><p>“It’s fine if you take pictures, but remember that you can’t post them online,” Yewon chimes, sliding them their drinks. “This is our bar’s signature cocktail. It’s great for people who are new to cocktails, so I hope you’ll enjoy it.”</p><p>“Yeah, of course.” One of them looks Yewon in the eye and starts, “This is a really cool place you’ve got here. By the way, could I have your number?”</p><p>“Sorry, but I have a boyfriend,” Yewon smiles, and adds after a pause, “We met in high school, and he was on the track and field team.”</p><p>“Ah, of course. I’m sure he must be a happy guy.” Yoobin raises her eyebrows to herself before turning to greet a customer, and later, when there’s no one within earshot, she asks:</p><p>“Yewon, you didn’t tell me you had a boyfriend.”</p><p>“That’s because it was a lie, unnie,” Yewon laughs. “They leave you alone faster if you’re more convincing.”</p><p>Yoobin looks at her incredulously. “Wow. Looks like I’ve got things to learn from you, too. I just tell them I don’t date... and it’s the truth, too.”</p><p> </p><p>“Are you sure about this, boss? Apparently every attempt to scout them has been rejected.”</p><p>“Well, they probably haven’t offered as much money as I’m about to.” Pressing her phone between her ear and her shoulder, Jiho alights from her car and sets out down the street.</p><p>“But why does this place not have a proper address, or even a sign? It’s a real pain to find.”</p><p>“That’s their concept, apparently. A speakeasy bar that only a select few know of.”</p><p>Jiho smirks. “They sure must be happy with what they’ve got if they’re not focusing on promoting the bar at all. I hope that their head bartender has a good head on his shoulders, at least.”</p><p>“You thought it was a man? Boss, their head bartender is a woman.”</p><p>“Oh, really?” Jiho stops in front of a door with the symbols <span>‘</span>XX’ printed on its window. There it is. </p><p>“Well, that’s interesting. What’s her name?”</p><p>“Yoobin.”</p><p>“...I see. Thanks, I’m going in now.”</p><p> </p><p>Yoobin is passing her customer a drink, ice tinkling against the cocktail glass, when she sees her.</p><p>“Welcome! Would you like a table?” Yewon asks at the entrance, and when Yoobin glances over, she locks eyes with a familiar face. Kim Jiho. The shock must have shown on Yoobin's face, because Jiho smiles at her. </p><p>“Thank you, but I’ll just sit at the bar.” Jiho slides into a barstool in front of Yoobin, gaze piercing. Yoobin doesn’t back down, but wishes Jiho would wipe that eager grin off her face.</p><p>“It’s been a long time, Bae Yoobin.”</p><p>“It sure has been,” is all Yoobin can think of to say. “Why are you here?”</p><p>“What, I’m not allowed to visit a bar on my night off?” Jiho leans forward and places a business card on the counter. “Just kidding. If you didn’t know, I’m the owner of Number A. I’m sure you’ve heard of it, as it’s one of the most popular bars in this area. I’m here to scout the head bartender. Heard you even won some award recently... but Bae Yoobin? The Bae Yoobin that I know? Who would have guessed.”</p><p>“How could I have known that? I’m not exactly keeping tabs on you. Sorry, but I have absolutely zero plans to leave this place.” Yoobin finishes mixing Jiho’s drink and pushes her card back with it. “And, places that are really that big wouldn’t even need business cards, would they?”</p><p>Jiho lifts the glass, takes a sip, and cringes. She was never one for strong alcohol.</p><p>“This kind of sucks.”</p><p>“If it tasted good, you’d drink too much. Thank me later.”</p><p>“What’s the name of this drink?”</p><p>Embarrassed of her own dramatics, Yoobin sighs and attempts to return Jiho’s glare. </p><p> </p><p>“<em>Remember Me</em>?”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Later, Yoobin reaches for her phone again after she’d been lying in bed for ten minutes. She stares at the words they’d exchanged five years ago until a yawn reminds her of the time, and she plunges back into the darkness.</p><p> </p><p>                                           11:07 p.m. I'm sorry </p><p>
  <b>Kim Jiho</b>
</p><p>It’s okay 1:49 a.m.</p><p> </p><p>A few days later, Yoobin’s flatmate Hyojung is rummaging through her makeup pouch in front of their living room vanity. (“That lipstick shade doesn’t suit you at all, Yoobin! Next time, let me go shopping with you,” she’d said.) Yoobin looks into the mirror, and her reflection looks back out at her, already tired. Her phone buzzes on the counter.</p><p> </p><p>“Hello, boss? What’s up? ...What? You sold the bar?”</p><p>Finished picking Yoobins lipstick, Hyojung watches her intently.</p><p>“...That’s okay. Thanks for letting me know. Yes, thank you. Have a good day.”</p><p>Hyojung turns to her with a frown.</p><p>“He sold the bar? But didn’t he promise to wait until he could sell it to you?”</p><p>“Yeah, well.” Yoobin shakes her head. “He said there was an emergency situation and he had to sell it. God, why did I hold out this whole time thinking it would actually happen, when some random person can just come and buy it in one go?”</p><p>“At least you’re not getting fired, are you?”</p><p>“No,” Yoobin sighs. “The new owner is supposed to come by today.”</p><p>“Which means you still need to get ready,” Hyojung smiles. “Come on.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re kidding.”</p><p>“No, I’m not,” says Kim Jiho, standing at the entrance, a smile on her face. “Starting today, I’m your new boss.”</p><p>Yewon glances hesitantly at Yoobin, and then Jiho. “It’s nice to meet you! So, we’re not getting fired?”</p><p>“No, there won’t be any changes to the staff,” Jiho answers. “That is, as long as none of you have objections.”</p><p>“Of course! Thank you, boss.”</p><p>“And Yoobin?”</p><p>Yoobin forces a smile. “Okay.”</p><p>“Great. Then, I’ll need to have a meeting with both of you later to discuss a few things.” Jiho glances at her watch and grabs Yoobin by the arm. “There’s some time before opening, so I’ll talk to you now, Yoobin. Yewon, I’ll talk to you after your shift.” Jiho pulls Yoobin to the front waiting room before she can shrug her off, and they sit opposite each other on the couches.</p><p>“So, first of all,” Jiho sighs. “I’m not sure exactly why you’re so upset, but could you at least please stop glaring at me?” Yoobin hesitates, still indignant, before closing her eyes with resignation. “Sorry, I’ll try. I suppose you couldn’t find a new head bartender?”</p><p>“Why?” Yoobin looks up at Jiho’s stern demeanor. “You want to run away again? Leave the past in the past, Yoobin.” Jiho tucks her hair behind her ear.</p><p>“Right now, I’m asking you to be professional. Listen. You’ll get 10% of the monthly sales on top of your pay. If it goes well and I can open a third bar, I’ll even consider registering you as a co-owner.”</p><p>“Really?” Yoobin had given up on ever owning her own bar anymore. It might have been an empty promise, but it does give her hope.</p><p>“We’ll see. At any rate, you’re a valuable asset to this business. I’ll respect you as the head bartender, so I expect the same treatment from you as your boss.” Yoobin is still struggling to calm down, but she can’t argue with that. Everything Jiho said made perfect sense.</p><p>“...Okay. Deal.”</p><p> </p><p>Having changed out of her work clothes, Yewon sits down across from her new boss and tries not to bite her lip.<br/>
“You don’t have to look that nervous, you know,” Jiho pokes. “It’s not a real interview.”</p><p>“Ah... yes. Right.” Yewon shifts in her spot. “So, what did you want to talk to me about?”</p><p>“As for the logistics of things, your position won’t change, but I may consider raising your pay depending on our performance in the coming months. But mostly, I wanted to get to know you.” Jiho’s smile is a bit unnerving, Yewon has to admit, because her eyes are so big that it’s like she’s peering into your soul at all times.</p><p>“Oh... well... I’m 24, and I just graduated from university this year. Umm... how old are you, boss?”<br/>
“You’re a baby, huh! I’m 26.”</p><p>“Um, you’re pretty young yourself! Not that I thought otherwise, or anything...”</p><p>Jiho laughs. “Don’t worry, I know. It’s late, so I’ll let you go now. Thanks, and I look forward to working with you, Yewon.” </p><p> </p><p>--</p><p> </p><p>Yoobin was at her boyfriend’s apartment, sitting in his armchair, tears streaming down her face. Even though he tried to explain himself over the music playing through her headphones, the only thing she could hear was the pounding of her heart in her ears, incessant as if to prove to her that her actual heart was still working.</p><p> </p><p>“Man, what the fuck is wrong with that bastard Seo Taehyun? He ditched you for some girl you’ve never met, or even heard of!” Kyungwon scoffed.</p><p>Minkyung elbowed Kyungwon in the ribs. “Hey, that’s probably easier to handle than if it was someone she was close to.” It’s Saturday, two days later, and Minkyung had insisted on taking Yoobin out for a drink with their friends. (But it honestly felt like more of an excuse for them to go drinking.)</p><p>“How are you feeling, Yoobin?” Sujeong asked, brows furrowing with worry. “I’m sorry that we dragged you out here, I didn’t know that you can’t drink...”</p><p>Yoobin shot Sujeong a small smile. “Don’t worry about it. I’m not feeling great, but probably better than I would if I were alone right now.” </p><p>“At least you’re not the only one here who can’t drink,” Jiho joked. “Although, maybe I can drink a little more than you. Maybe just a little.” </p><p>“That’s probably true. And, NO, I don’t want to test it.”</p><p> </p><p>Kyungwon, Minkyung and Jiho were in the business major with Yoobin, and Sujeong was Jiho’s friend from band (Sujeong played saxophone and Jiho was a percussionist, apparently). Yoobin had known Kyungwon and Minkyung since high school, and she was in a group project with Jiho in sophomore year.</p><p>Once Jiho had gotten tipsy off a few well spaced out drinks and Yoobin had eaten enough samgyeopsal to feed two people, they decided to leave while the others went for round two. The sun had almost set, but the streetlights were still off.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s not really that late, huh.” Jiho peered at Yoobin, and there was a softness in her eyes she’d barely ever seen before. (She’d only seen her look like that at a stray cat on campus.) Yoobin looked at her weird and her face went back to normal. </p><p>“I’m just thinking, will you be fine? You have roommates, right?”</p><p>“Hey, have some more faith in me. Actually, Hyojung is on a weekend trip with her sister right now. But I’ll just go to sleep earlier—”</p><p>“Is what you think, but then you’ll spend the next few hours rolling around in your tears until it’s your actual bedtime.”</p><p>“Ha, ha. Maybe.”</p><p>“I can come over. I have nothing better to do. But if you’d rather be alone, I get it.”</p><p>Yoobin allowed herself to smile. “Well, I wouldn’t mind it. Thanks.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Yoobin made her last packet of popcorn and sunk down on the couch next to Jiho. They chatted and watched a reality show for a few hours, until making it their mission to find channels that were playing advertisements to rate each other’s imitations of them. </p><p>They giggled after Yoobin copied the actress on a soju ad, bringing her hand to her mouth and making a noise of satisfaction, shaking her head. </p><p>“And then you’d be dying five minutes later.”</p><p>Yoobin frowned and stuck her chin out at Jiho. “Speak for yourself!”</p><p>“Yeah, yeah. Man, I want to find a car commercial.”</p><p> </p><p>Yoobin watched as Jiho changed the channels and the colours of the television screen reflected in her eyes. Her eyelashes curled up at the ends, flying down as she blinked, and Yoobin’s gaze moved to the mole on her forehead, just barely covered with fading makeup. She must have been staring for too long, because when Jiho turned to face her with a smile, it quickly became a frown.</p><p>“Um... what’s up? Are you tired?”</p><p>Yoobin blinked. A passing thought reminded her of why she was here, of what she was trying to heal from, of how despite the efforts of today, she still felt so utterly alone—it whispered to her: maybe it’d be nice if, just maybe—overwhelmed, Yoobin’s eyes flitted down to rest on Jiho’s lips. When she realized what she was doing and looked up, Jiho was watching her, all traces of her laughter gone. But she didn’t move, just watched and waited with something akin to that typical intensity in her gaze, only more solemn. She looked down to Yoobin’s lips as they shortened the distance between them, and closed her eyes as they met. They shifted their bodies on the couch, and Jiho placed her hands around the other girl’s waist, hugging her closer—</p><p>Then, Yoobin pulled back. She watched as Jiho widened her eyes in confusion, registered the masked guilt on the other girl’s face, and let her hurt show on her own.</p><p> </p><p>“Um,” Yoobin coughed, “I’m sorry.” Jiho leaned back, and Yoobin could tell there was no fixing this situation. She averted her eyes and checked her phone.</p><p>“It’s late now,” Yoobin said, wincing at her poor attempt of an excuse. “I guess we should get some rest.” Jiho was silent for a moment before she stood up and smoothed out her shirt.</p><p>“Right.”</p><p><br/>
Yoobin fell asleep with a queasy stomach. When she opened her eyes the next morning, Jiho was gone.</p><p> </p><p>--</p><p> </p><p>Jiho comes down to XX before opening. To her surprise, a woman she recognizes as Yoobin’s old roommate is chatting up a storm over the counter. Could they really still be living together even years later? The three girls turn to look at her as she closes the door behind her.</p><p> </p><p>“Aren’t there only supposed to be employees here right now?”</p><p>“Jeez, don’t be so strict, Jiho, it’s just Hyojung.” Yoobin glances at Hyojung, and almost laughs when she sees her trying to glare threateningly at Jiho. Intimidation has never worked for her, and it never will. She goes to shake Jiho’s hand.</p><p>“Jiho, it’s been a while—” Hyojung cuts herself off and her expression loosens into confusion.</p><p>“What’s that perfume you’re wearing? Where did you get it?”</p><p>Jiho looks down at herself, then back up at Hyojung. “What? Is it that good? Someone got it for me on a trip in France.” Hyojung makes a big deal of sniffing the air next to her, which Jiho is not amused by.</p><p>“Sorry, but. I’m pretty sure this is my perfume? Like, one of the formulas that I spent so long developing that I’d be able to recognize it anywhere? Are you sure they weren’t in Itaewon?”</p><p>Jiho stares at her like she’s lost her mind. “How could you compare a perfume from Itaewon to France? I’m telling you, I received it as a souvenir.”</p><p>Hyojung pouts. “That’s weird. Can you ask them what the shop was? Maybe they’re copying me, and I can’t have that happening...”</p><p>“As if,” Yoobin scoffs. Honestly, it’s not like Hyojung to be mistaken about these things. And Jiho seems more bothered by this than she should be over perfume. But it’s none of her business.</p><p>“Sure. I’ll ask. Now, would you please let me speak to my employees?”</p><p>“Yeah, sorry.” Hyojung runs her hand through her hair and says goodbye, mouthing a <em>good luck </em>to Yoobin with a bright smile.</p><p> </p><p>Jiho clears her throat. “So, exciting news. We have an event planned! Revan Cosmetics was looking for a venue to hold a launch party for their new line, and we’re hosting.”</p><p>“An <em> event </em>?” Yoobin puts down the ball of ice she was shaving. “Remember how this is a speakeasy? Only word of mouth?”</p><p>“Yeah, and it’s outdated, as cute as it is. Just like the decor in here, but we can save that conversation for another day. Plus,” Jiho adds before Yoobin can interject, “It’ll be great business for us. There will be big names and celebrities attending, and we can ensure that they don’t post anything online.”</p><p>Yoobin runs through a few reactions in her head before settling on neutrality. “Okay. But the decor in here is fine.”</p><p>“Another day.” Jiho turns to Yewon, beaming, and holds out a booklet she put together. “The manager for the launch party wants to meet with a bartender in person and get an idea of our employees. Are you okay with going?”</p><p>Yewon nods earnestly. “No problem!”</p><p>“And you don’t have any problems with that either, Yoobin?”</p><p>Yoobin shrugs. “No, it’s fine.”</p><p>“Then it’s settled.” Jiho twirls her keys in her fingers and presses her other hand to the door. “I’ll be dropping by later with a friend, so be on your best behaviour! Not that I’d expect anything less of our best bartenders.”</p><p> </p><p>Jiho’s friend, Yoobin learns later, is actually her girlfriend. She’s pretty sure Yewon barely caught on, but Yoobin knew from the way they walked in, sharing glances and whispers, and the way Jiho seemed content to ignore everything else around her. Mihyun, Jiho had introduced her as, had a smile that turned up at the corners of her mouth and long, blonde hair pressed into waves. She’s one of those people that are difficult to hate, Yoobin had quickly realized, with a soft aura of sensitivity and steadfastness about her. And hell, she had even praised the atmosphere and concept of the bar. </p><p>Yoobin felt guilty for suspecting her as soon as she had walked in, Hyojung’s perfume accusation still on her mind. Mihyun and Jiho seemed like two perfectly reasonable people in a happy relationship. Maybe looks can be deceiving, sure—but maybe she was just crazy. Maybe Hyojung was just imagining things.</p><p> </p><p>“Unnie, I’ve been meaning to ask,” Yewon says outside after they’d closed up, “Did you know our boss before?”</p><p>Yoobin stops walking. “We were friends.” Yewon looks at her like, <em> and </em>?</p><p>“Past tense? What happened?”</p><p>“It’s kind of a long story. But you know,” Yoobin says, looking at Yewon’s innocent, curious face, “I thought that I was doing the right thing when I stopped talking to her. I had my reasons... but I’ve realized now that I just ran away.”</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p> </p><p>“Shiah unnie! It’s been a while.”</p><p>Shiah, the receptionist at Mihyun’s law office, smiles sweetly in response. </p><p>“Hi, Jiho. It seems like Mihyun’s busy today. She might not be out for a bit longer...”</p><p>“That’s okay. I actually came to give something to you,” Jiho says, setting a gift bag down on the coffee table. “I figured you’d like these. They’re good for your body.” She watches as Shiah pulls out the box of organic juice pouches, bewildered. </p><p>“Thanks, Jiho, you’re absolutely right—but what’s the occasion? Are you bribing me?”</p><p>“Just to thank you for all your hard work. And, maybe.” Shiah squints at her.</p><p>“I wanted to ask if you’ve noticed anything weird with Mihyun recently. Like, has she been spending a lot of time with someone or something...” Jiho trails off, unsure what she’s doing or why she’s here. Moreover, how can she be sure to trust Shiah—no, it’s better not to get paranoid. </p><p>“I’m not sure... I mean, she’s been working hard with another lawyer on a case recently, but that’s hardly out of the ordinary.” Shiah glances across the lobby as two people come out of the offices. “There they are. Why don’t you say hi?”</p><p> </p><p>Mihyun gapes at Jiho. “Ah! Jiho, I didn’t know you were coming by today, I would have tried to finish up earlier.”</p><p>“It’s fine, I came to see Shiah. Plus, I wanted to surprise you.” The woman next to Mihyun is even shorter than her, and she watches them with a twinkle in her eye. </p><p>“Sorry, I’m Jiho, Mihyun’s dongsaeng. It’s nice to meet you, er...”</p><p>“I’m Seunghee! So you’re younger than us, huh!” Seunghee pulls a face at Mihyun and pokes her in the side. “You didn’t tell me you liked people younger than you, Mihyun-ah.” Jiho tries not to wince when Seunghee winks at her. </p><p>“Seunghee...unnie? You look so young I almost thought I was older than you!”</p><p>“Haha, yeah... I get that a lot. I’m the same age as Mihyun.”</p><p>Jiho nods and an embarrassed smile spreads on her face. “I hope, uh, work is going well for you.” </p><p>She’s seen the wood panel walls and artificial, yellow lights of the office many times before, but right now she feels extremely out of place.</p><p> </p><p>“Is everything okay? I’d prefer it if you let me know when you come by,” Mihyun says to her after they’re out. “Not that I minded that much today.”</p><p>Jiho thinks back to Shiah and Seunghee’s sweet faces, and looks at the bags under Mihyun’s eyes. </p><p>“Yeah, sorry. It’s fine.” Somehow, though, none of this feels right.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Sometimes on her days off, Yoobin likes to hang out at Hyojung’s workshop. It’s not that she doesn’t have other friends, or other things to do—it’s just easier than the alternatives. Hyojung is used to entertaining her on short notice, at least.</p><p>Yoobin’s halfway there when she notices a girl on her phone across the street from her. It takes her a step to register her blonde hair, her suit and the side of her face. She freezes in place, hoping her eyes are betraying her. (Jiho had mentioned Mihyun wouldn’t be in town for the next few days when Yoobin had joked about seeing her again.) Yoobin pulls out her earbuds as Mihyun’s ride pulls up, and she watches Mihyun grin and climb into the passenger’s seat. She squints, and through the tinted glass, she sees a man she doesn’t recognize. </p><p>This is bad. Hyojung’s in for an earful today.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re sure it was her?” Hyojung was in the middle of a session when Yoobin arrived, so she waited until she could take a break. They’re sitting by the window in the entrance, speaking in hushed tones.</p><p>“I’m absolutely sure it was her. Like, 200% sure. No, 1000%.”</p><p>Hyojung bites her lip. “Well... what are you going to do?”</p><p>“I don’t know!” Yoobin’s arms flail above her head. She bends over and slams her forehead on Hyojung’s shoulder. “Ugh... I have to tell her.”</p><p>“I think you should if it’s bothering you that much, but would it be too invasive?” Yoobin removes herself from Hyojung’s shoulder and looks at Hyojung’s worried face. “I mean, you guys aren’t exactly close right now. You’re not on great terms, even. Would she just get mad at you for meddling?”</p><p>“I don’t know. Maybe.”</p><p>The customers call for Hyojung, and she leaves Yoobin with an apologetic look. Yoobin watches the eager couple in the craft room, and she feels sick.  </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p><em> Clunk </em>. Yoobin reaches into the vending machine for her canned coffee and sits down at the small table on the roof. It’s always been her favourite place to come visit after work, when she doesn’t feel like going home right away—sometimes, she finds herself craving the silence up here even on a day off. A few minutes later, she hears footsteps climbing the stairs.</p><p>Yewon waves at Yoobin excitedly.</p><p>“Yoobin unnie! I knew you’d be up here.”</p><p>“How could you have known that? Sometimes I just go straight home.”</p><p>“Okay, then it was just a guess. But you seemed awful quiet today.”</p><p>“Ah... was it that noticeable?” Yoobin leans back and stretches her arms above her head. “Actually, can I ask you something, Yewon?”</p><p>Yewon sits down in the other chair at the table. “Sure, what is it?”</p><p>“If there was someone you hate—or not hate, but resent and don’t want to speak to, but you needed to tell them something, something that they have to know—what would you do? Would you say it?”</p><p>Yewon hums and looks deep in thought. “Once, in high school, I got in a really bad fight with my brother before I left in the morning. I said some really mean things to him that I didn’t actually mean. It kept eating me up all day, and I couldn’t focus on my schoolwork at all. I only felt better once I came home and apologized, but he wasn’t even that angry with me. I think you’d be the same, unnie. It would just continue to stress you out if you did nothing, even if it’s about someone you dislike.”</p><p>Yoobin couldn’t help but laugh at her example. “That’s cute. I can’t say I’ve ever felt that apologetic to my brother, but.” She downed the rest of her coffee. “Thanks. I think you’re right.”</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Jiho listened to the sound of Yoobin’s breathing next to her, slow, but still too fast for her to be asleep. She laid on her back and stared at the ceiling, just barely discernible with the distant glow of night that filtered in through Yoobin’s window. </p><p>“I know you’re still awake.”</p><p>There was no response, but Jiho felt the bed move underneath her.</p><p>“You know,” Jiho said a little too loudly before she lowered her voice to a whisper, “Usually I wouldn’t be okay with being used like this. I deserve better.”</p><p>Yoobin was a little <em> too </em> still, and Jiho knew she was listening.</p><p>“And you know what, you do too. I know it hurts, and there’s no avoiding that. But don’t let him get to you.”</p><p>Jiho breathed out forcefully from her nose and rolled onto her side, away from the other girl.</p><p>“You’re stronger than that.”</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>On top of a table in their favourite restaurant, the bottle of perfume sits in front of Jiho, her arms folded across her chest. </p><p>“Why don’t you tell me where you actually got this, unnie?”</p><p> </p><p>(Here’s what happened: Yoobin told her. She’d walked up to her before work and casually said “I saw your girlfriend getting into a car with a man two days ago, when you said she was on a business trip to Jeju. I’m sure it was her.”</p><p>“If this is just some stupid lie to get me on your side, it’s not gonna work,” Jiho had retorted, firm as ever. Yoobin had just brushed past her before turning back.</p><p>“You can choose whether to believe me or not. But I can’t just stand by and watch when someone’s affair is happening right in front of me.”</p><p>Then, Jiho asked for proof. Not for her, since Yoobin’s infallible memory was proof enough for her to believe—proof for Mihyun. As it turned out, Hyojung had seen Mihyun at her workshop before. When Yoobin showed her an Instagram photo from Mihyun’s law firm, Hyojung had exclaimed that she’d seen her. </p><p>“I paid extra attention to her because I thought it was interesting that she came dressed in a suit. But—she was with a man. They said they were a couple,” she’d said.</p><p>Hyojung didn’t have any solid proof either—the man had footed the bill, and they didn’t want their pictures taken. But Jiho had heard enough.</p><p> </p><p>Mihyun isn’t strong enough to lie when confronted with the truth. Jiho knows this well, even if previous incidents haven’t been on this large of a scale. She won’t need any evidence.)</p><p> </p><p>“What? It’s from my last business trip to France. Jiho, why are you acting like this?”</p><p>“Do you really think I’m that gullible? I know you didn’t go to France.”</p><p>“What do you mean, you <em> know </em>?”</p><p>“The head bartender at our new bar saw you with a man a few days ago. When you were ‘away’”.</p><p>“How could she know it was me? She’s only ever seen me once?” Mihyun reaches out for Jiho’s hand, and she lets it be held, reluctantly.</p><p>“Listen, she probably just doesn’t approve of us. Or, she’s just jealous she can’t have what we have. You know how people are.”</p><p>“No, you’re just really bad at covering up your tracks.” Jiho pulls her hand away and picks up the perfume.</p><p>“I know the owner of the workshop you got this at. She says she remembers you clearly—some people just don’t forget that easily. Are you willing to admit it now, or do I need to call her?”</p><p>There’s a bitter taste in Jiho’s mouth, and she can’t tell if it’s from the wine. Mihyun opens her mouth, and then closes it. Her eyes are trained on the table.</p><p>“Nothing gets by you, huh?”</p><p>“You could have at least told me when I asked you,” Jiho scowls. “What’s the point of avoiding the truth?”</p><p>“I—I’m sorry. I really am.”</p><p>“Sorry’s not gonna cut it.” Jiho sips her wine, resolute. No, this is sweet. “Let’s break up.”</p><p>“What? Jiho, please, I promise it won’t happen again.”</p><p>“You just lied straight to my face, and you expect me to believe that?” Jiho laughs, heat rising to her face. “It’s funny. I wanted to believe in you. You even had me suspecting the unnies at your law firm, for no reason—what did they ever do wrong? I can’t believe I let myself get caught up in this stupid dance.”</p><p>“Jiho, I’m sorry, please, calm down—”</p><p>“It’s over, Mihyun unnie. I love you, but I can’t do this anymore. I’m sorry,” Jiho grunts, standing up with her purse. “And thank you. For dinner, that is. I’m sure you won’t have any problem with paying just this once, right?”</p><p>Mihyun shrinks down in her seat.</p><p>“No.”</p><p>Jiho’s lips are pulled into a tight line. “Great. You can keep the things I gave you. It’s nothing to me anyway.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Jiho shuts off her car’s engine and sits in the parking lot below her apartment, unsure how to feel. Maybe the best way to describe the emotion rising within her is just plain annoyance. She frowns and pulls out her phone, searching for a chat that hadn’t been touched in five years.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Bae Yoobin</b>
</p><p>I’m sorry 11:07 p.m.</p><p>                                          1:49 a.m. It’s okay</p><p> </p><p>She shakes her head and exits her car. It’s not the last time she looks at it, though, because when she’s changed into her pajamas and is about to go to sleep, she opens KakaoTalk again. Out of options, her fingers move before she can gather enough awareness to stop them.</p><p> </p><p>                                          12:03 a.m. You were right keke</p><p>
  <b>Bae Yoobin</b>
</p><p>Damn 12:04 a.m.</p><p>Are you okay 12:04 a.m.</p><p> </p><p>Jiho stares at the words with no proper answer. Suddenly, her phone is ringing—it’s Yoobin. </p><p>“Hey, I’m fine. Aren’t you—” Right. She forgot Yoobin had today off.</p><p>“No. I’ll meet you at the Han River.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“I’ll send you an address. You’ll be there, right?” More of a demand than a question, Jiho thinks.</p><p>“Okay.”</p><p>“Okay. See you.”</p><p>Jiho frowns at her phone and turns the light in her room back on. She sure sounded a bit too cold for someone who was trying to make her feel better.</p><p> </p><p>When she sees her, though, Yoobin wraps her in a hug. Jiho finds it a bit awkward and forced, but she doesn’t mind. It’s nice.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Yoobin mumbles into her shoulder. She pulls away a bit sooner than Jiho would have liked. “How are you feeling?”</p><p>Jiho’s face scrunches up disapprovingly. “Scammed.”</p><p>“Did you end it?”</p><p>“Of course I did. There’s no point in playing pretend, if she can just throw me to the side like that.” Jiho looks away, out at the blackness of the sky. “I’m not really sure what I was getting out of that relationship at this point, either.”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“But what makes me the most pissed off is that she doesn’t seem to understand what she’s done. That she could have done anything except for going behind my back and then lying to my face...” Jiho’s throat wells up with frustration. “I feel like I’ve been made a fool of, Yoobin. The fact that she could even think that I might be stupid enough to never notice, or take her back with no questions, when I loved her and she didn’t—”</p><p>Yoobin freezes. Is she...?</p><p>“Are you crying?”</p><p>“Augh... Fuck. I don’t know, I guess.”</p><p>The air down here is cooler, and Yoobin shivers as the wind passes through her sweater. She puts her hand on Jiho’s shoulder and huddles to her to block the wind.</p><p>“You’re right, you didn’t deserve that. She didn’t deserve you. Cry your heart out.”</p><p>Finally, Jiho lets the sobs wrack her body, heaving.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s okay,” Yoobin says, pulling tissues out from her pocket. “It’ll be okay.”</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p> </p><p>About a month later, the bar is closed to the public for the Revan Cosmetics launching party. Hyojung is here setting up her perfume display—Jiho offered to let her capitalize off of the event. They had finished setting up a while ago, and Yoobin is in the back room on her phone when she hears the door open. She brushes past the curtain to see Yewon bowing in greeting to the Revan event manager. </p><p> </p><p>“Kim Jiho. It’s been a while, huh?”</p><p> </p><p>Yoobin stifles a gasp. </p><p>“Seo Taehyun? Why are you here?”</p><p>“Oh, Yoobin? Hi. It’s nice to see you.”</p><p>Yewon gestures to the man meekly. “He’s the manager for this event...”</p><p>“Okay. Great. Jiho, can I talk to you for a second?” Yoobin pulls Jiho into the waiting area. “You knew this?” she hissed.</p><p>“No, I’m sorry, I actually didn’t. I met with another representative from their company.” </p><p>“I can’t do this. I’m leaving.” Jiho grabs Yoobin’s arm before she can escape.</p><p>“What are you doing? We have to run an event in an hour!”</p><p>“Can’t you just call someone in, like if I called sick or something? Someone’s gotta be free.”</p><p>“You’re the head bartender. Most of our sub-bartenders are going to be here anyway.”</p><p>“Well, that’s great then! You won’t even need me. They can take care of it. Let me go—”</p><p>Jiho lets go, and Yoobin storms out of the building.</p><p> </p><p>Hyojung looks at Jiho pitifully when she returns. “I don’t know what went on between you two. Years ago, I mean. It’s the one thing Yoobin won’t tell me. But something tells me she insists on keeping it a secret more for your sake than hers.”</p><p>“Okay.”</p><p>“I just think Bae Yoobin is a girl who is easily affected by other people’s feelings. She makes it her duty not to hurt anyone, to protect others before herself—for her to speak out about this right now, it’s a big deal. I think it’s worth trying to understand her standpoint.”</p><p>Jiho blinks. Hyojung’s right, she knows that much.</p><p>It might make things more difficult, but maybe she owes it to Yoobin. Maybe she’s done more for her than she knows.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, are you okay?” Kyungwon whispered to Yoobin as she took her seat next to her in the lecture hall. </p><p>“Well...” Yoobin trailed off, eyes resting on the back of Jiho’s head a few rows down from her.</p><p>“I’ll take that as a yes,” Kyungwon huffed. “God, that shithead ex of yours has been talking up a storm behind me for the past ten minutes. I hate getting here early.”</p><p>“He was talking about me?”</p><p>“Yes. And, no. He was saying you’re just overreacting and will get over it. I almost turned around and yelled at him. But the shittiest thing was—” Kyungwon shifted closer to Yoobin to whisper in her ear. “His friend was like, ‘What if she just doesn’t like men?’” Yoobin’s heart rate rose, but she suppressed any further reaction. “Then he was talking about Jiho and saying she’s actually a crazy lesbian and that’s why she broke up with her ex-boyfriend.”</p><p>Yoobin leaned away from Kyungwon and glanced at Jiho again, sitting alone. </p><p>“So they’ve been spreading rumours about her all this time,” Yoobin hissed. “Great.”</p><p> </p><p>After class, Yoobin’s ex approached her in the staircase. </p><p>“Please, Yoobin. I’m sorry, it was just a... thing. It’s not really that big of a deal, right? Are we still okay?”</p><p>Yoobin bit back the curses on the tip of her tongue.</p><p>“I don’t want anything to do with you, Seo Taehyun.” She pointed a finger at him. “You can believe what you want about me and our relationship if it makes you feel better. But don’t you dare bring my friends into it. If I hear you and your trash friends spreading rumours about others again, I’ll make sure you regret it.”</p><p>Holding back tears and barely able to believe her own words, Yoobin left down the last flight of stairs. </p><p> </p><p>In her room hours later, she hastily texted Jiho an apology. She and Jiho never spoke again after that—Yoobin didn’t want to hurt Jiho or herself any more, but mostly she just didn’t know what to say. Unavoidable as it was, Yoobin felt uncomfortable every time she saw her face. Forget Taehyun, for he was nothing, and maybe she never loved him at all. But Jiho meant something to her.</p><p>To Yoobin, Jiho was a reminder of her mistakes. The constant distance between them was a reminder of Yoobin’s bad decisions and social failings. Even more than that, Jiho was a lost classmate, a lost friend—and maybe, in some capacity, a lost love.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Jiho finds Yoobin on the roof, leaning against the vending machine. </p><p>“Aren’t you cold,” Jiho growls. Yoobin’s surprised face makes Jiho burst out laughing.</p><p>“Hey, how did...”</p><p>“You’re very predictable, Bae Yoobin. Also, you left all your stuff in the back and you’re still wearing your uniform.” Yoobin gave her a sheepish smile at that.</p><p>Jiho takes a breath. “It’s okay if you don’t want to do it—”</p><p>“I’ll do it.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’ll do it? Are you sure?” Jiho looks at the ground. “Um, I know I was being a bit harsh, and you don’t need to force yourself.”</p><p>“Look at you, getting concerned about my mental fortitude, all out of the ordinary?” Yoobin smirked. “Sorry for making a scene. I’m going to do it. I have to do this, for myself. But it’s nice to know you were even a little bit worried about me.”</p><p>Jiho smiles to herself as they descend the stairs. “I wasn’t actually that worried.”</p><p> </p><p>Yoobin can ignore Seo Taehyun for the first half hour of the event, when guests are filtering in and all the staff are at their busiest. When the initial buzz dies down and Yoobin goes on a break, though, there’s no more running away.</p><p>He corners her as she comes out from the back room. </p><p>“I just want to ask you; are you really still mad at me?”</p><p>Yoobin snorts, affronted. “Wow. I did think that you’d probably be desperate by now, but not this much.”</p><p>“And what about you? Have you dated anyone since we broke up?”</p><p>“You mean since I brutally dumped you of my own volition? No,” she admits, “but that’s obviously not about you.”</p><p>“It was just one mistake, Yoobin. I know you. You never missed me once, never wished you would have reached out to me sooner?”</p><p>“I ignored you because you weren’t worth my time. I had better things to do, and now, we both have jobs to do. And sorry, Seo Taehyun, but you don’t know shit about me. Not anymore.”</p><p>“I don't understand. You don’t miss all the good times we shared?”</p><p>“They’re ruined, horrific memories for me on account of you being the biggest asshole ever and past me being a complete idiot. Now please,” Yoobin jeers, “Let’s get on with this party, and then I’ll hope that I’ll never have to see your face again.”</p><p>Taehyun tries to follow her across the bar, but is stopped after a few metres by the one and only Jiho, icy glare fixed on him in full force.</p><p>“Move,” He says, fidgeting in his spot as he searches the crowd for Yoobin. Jiho holds her hand out and shakes his firmly. </p><p>“Seo Taehyun-ssi. You’re here on business, are you not? I’d like to ask that you don’t cause any more trouble for our employees. Sure, it’s too late to be calling off the event, but.” Jiho taps the back of her cellphone. “I’m sure your higher ups would love to hear about this.”</p><p>“Fuck—damn it, Kim Jiho,” Taehyun mutters under his breath as Jiho saunters away. </p><p> </p><p>Hyojung is at the bar gushing about meeting a famous perfumer to Yewon. “He said he liked my work and he even gave me his business card!”</p><p>“Wow, that’s amazing, unnie!”</p><p>Jiho sits down and is attacked by Hyojung shaking her.</p><p>“Jiho-yah, I was wrong about you. Thank you so much for this honour and once in a lifetime opportunity. I’ll forever be indebted—”</p><p>Jiho can’t help but laugh. “Hyojung unnie, I’m glad, but calm down.” She peeks over Hyojung’s shoulder. “By the way, it looks like someone else here is interested in you.” A man is standing by her perfumes with a drink, and he glances up at them, looking away when they make eye contact.</p><p>Hyojung looks stunned. Yewon pokes her.</p><p>“He’s handsome. Do you know him?”</p><p>“Yeah...” Hyojung says. “We were friends in university, actually. Uh, I’ll talk to you guys later.”</p><p>Jiho and Yewon share a playful look, and Jiho enters the fray of people. When Yewon and Yoobin switch out, Jiho spots Yewon at a table, giggling next to a tall boy with blue hair. </p><p>Jiho smiles. Nothing like events to get connections going, for better or worse.</p><p> </p><p>The night goes smoothly from then on. Once everyone’s left except Yoobin, Jiho and Yewon, and most of the cleanup has been done by the sub-bartenders, they leave Yewon to finish and lock up. It seems like they’d had a more tiring day than she did, so she doesn’t mind.</p><p> </p><p>Yewon locks the door and steps out onto the pavement, breath clouding in the chilly pre-dawn air. Low, unintelligible murmurs drift down from above, and though she can’t see the roof, she doesn’t need to to know who they belong to. </p><p>She listens to the conversation peter out into mumbles few and far apart. Suddenly, there’s the long screech of a pushed chair, the quiet shuffle of feet— <br/>
And then there’s nothing. </p><p>Yewon stands in the stillness, confused, until she’s startled by the breeze picking up. She quickly gathers herself and turns into the street with brisk steps. She decides she shouldn’t think too hard about it.<br/>
<br/>
And as the first rays of light reach over the horizon, the birds are the ones to break the silence, just like always.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>and there it is, the capstone project of my miracle career!!!!<br/>if you've made it this far, thank you for reading <s>my shitty fic</s> and i'd love to read any comments you have. please also check out the other fics in <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/collections/directcutfest">director's cut fest</a>!<br/>also, title is from this is why we're breaking up by oohyo</p></blockquote></div></div>
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